Last night Matt and I took two sick-ish kids out for a pre-bedtime drive. Stuffy/runny noses and low grade fevers had made for a long day and thus an evening get-a-way seemed just the right choice for the day’s closure. As we were pulling back into our driveway, both Matt and I couldn’t help but stare at each one of our kids—both rear view mirror starring and full on stare-starring. Just about nothing rips at our hearts more than when one or both of our kids are sick. There sat Maddie, mouth dropped open and breathing stuffily and slowly, eyes glazed and at about half their usual exposure, starring emotionless right back at our love-filled gaze. Matt’s heart and mine both ached at our love for our little girl. Then we turned to our David Cai, with his unapologetic snotty nose and his wide brown eyes big enough to conquer any heart and curls messy enough to win anyone’s smile, and both of our hearts groaned in the same wordless sigh of love and heartsickness.
It was then that I wondered what I would ever do if I could not share in this painful, lovesick parent-fellowship with Matt. No one understands what grips at my heart when Maddie does that one high-pitched whisper thing with her voice right at the time she wants a special treat…no one has a clue what keeps me laughing for hours long after David Cai is in bed…no one except Matt. I think if he were not here to groan with me in that lovesick, uncontrollable adoring of Madison and David, I would explode or maybe implode. Joy could not be shared at the heights it was meant to and that crazy out-of-control feeling of watching your heart (your child) run circles all around you would drive me into some kind of unwanted madness …perhaps never to return.
All this to say…it took Matt and me into an instant revelation. As I voiced my gratitude for his identification and fellowship in this heart-gripping, lovesick-living thing called parenting, he whispered in discovery, “that is like the Trinity.” And we both sat in revelatory silence as we considered how the Father shares this adoration, this rejoicing and enjoyment, this lovesickness and aching affection with the Son…for each one of us. There is a fellowship within the Triune God of Love that considers me in an adoring gaze. And one unto another They speak of Their love and share in Their secret of affection for little me. When my voice comes before the Throne, the uniqueness of its preciousness strikes at the heart of Father and Son and I believe They find a fellowship in Their shared affection for me…and for you…
“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” Jn. 15:9