The jealousy that once left my  arguments speechless and my striving powerless has not changed, has not dwindled, has not diminished in the smallest degree. The cure of my sickness in my youth is the same cure decades later: to lift my focus from my own efforts and to be humbly and piercingly crushed once more under the weight of His love, so fierce. 

It’s as though He steps in and says to me,

“So you grew up and you changed, and thus you believe I have too. But I was already old and unchanging—the Ancient of Days, the same yesterday, today and forever. Do you think I became subject to your highs and lows? To your flighty passion or fickle affection? To your proneness to loss of fervency?

Do you think I rise and fall with you? Do you think I am surprised with your inconsistency of devotion as you are?

No. Before you were formed, I knew you. I knew your path and the steps you would take. I knew how the circumstances would twist and turn, leaving you surprised and confused at times. I knew.

I knew the sincerity of your love in the beginning and I knew My own jealousy to bring it forth to completion in you, My inheritance.

I am as jealous as I have been from the first day and I see far more than you see of yourself. I saw it from your mother’s womb—the end from the beginning. And I have not changed My mind. You are Mine!

Will you believe Me? Will you take this love of Mine into the most secret place of Your heart and there abide? In the rising and falling of your own deficiencies, will You cling to Me and trust My zeal more than your own?

Will you continue in the simplicity of devotion and sincerity of heart toward Me, your confidence rooted not in yourself but in Me?Will you keep your heart open and vulnerable to Me, not walling up when you discover your weakness…not distancing yourself but clinging to Me every step of the way?

Will you love Me as you did at first?

Because I have always loved you as I did at first.”